One More Day: Surviving The Waves by Sybil Shae
A Story of Sun, Sand, and Sea
Mistletoe & Palm Trees
Chapter One
At least the sun is shining. Not that you’d know it from where I’m sitting though. The basement of the Methodist church is sucking the heat right out of me. If it gets any colder in here I’ll be able to see my breath. I’d give a hundred bucks to have a space heater next to me right now. You would think they would have at least a couple of them out, it is December and we are in New York. Although, I’m not sure if we are allowed to have them. This isn’t our building, after all, it is a church.
Aren’t they always cold?
The stone and bricks trap the coldness of the season and then it seeps into your bones, stealing away your warmth. Just because the word springs was part of this towns name, didn’t mean it was warm here. Saratoga Springs is anything but warm right now.
I shudder and rub my hands together, cupping them in front of my face and blowing into them with an attempt to warm them a little. It's no use. As soon as I stop blowing my warm breath on them, they seem to get even colder. I chance a peek at my fingers. They seem slow and fat, white at the finger tips and kind of purple around the knuckles. I’m sure my smoking doesn’t help for circulation.
Agh, I wish I could smoke in here! I wish I had worn my gloves! A warm cup of Joe would be perfect right now!
My mind focuses on getting a cup of coffee until I remember the last cup of coffee I had at group. It tasted like dirt—burnt dirt with chalk. Powdered creamer and church basement coffee are not for me, so I turn my thoughts elsewhere.
I chuckle to myself as I think about the first time I tasted the coffee here. I took one sip and then spit it out all over the wall in front of me. The brown spray spewed from my mouth and left a spotted and dripping mess on the already dull tan walls.
I heard the two women closest to me grunt in objection to something and begin whispering.
Shit! Did I laugh out loud? Maybe it isn’t me they are whispering about.
As I look up from my purple tinted digits, I notice a few of the other group members are staring at me. Even though I want to scream “WHAT!” at the top of my lungs at them, I don’t. I hold my tongue and give them my best, I’m sorry look and rake my hands down my face.
“Not nice, C.C.” Gwen, the group coordinator says as she shifts her glasses to give me her I don’t approve look.
“Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts,” I sheepishly look over to the girl speaking now, the one that’s crying – wiping her face with the back of her hands.
What’s her name? I start running through the members names here in the room. It was like looking through my own personal contact list I had tucked away in the corners of my mind. Why I did that, I have no idea. But it’s what I did when I met people. I filed them away up there in my floating rolodex.
“Becky, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you. Please continue and just forget that happened.” A slight frown forming on my lips. I was going for the most sincere face, but I don’t think I hit the mark I was trying for.
“Screw you, C.C.! I’d like to see how you feel when I do the same thing to you! Why don’t you come on up here so we can all give you a taste of your own medicine?”
No way! No freaking way am I getting up there!
“No, thanks, I’ll pass today!”
“Okay, let’s all take a moment. Take a deep breath and remember why we are here.” Gwen looks over at me and shakes her head.
I mouth I’m sorry again and stand to go.
“C.C. please sit down. You don’t have to leave. Just please show some respect for others.”
I look at Gwen, then at each and every other person in there. Their faces all telling me to go.
“Okay then!” I sit back down and cross my legs placing my hands neatly in my lap, directing my attention back to Becky.
“You were saying, Becky?”
“I was saying,” she gulped some air and held her breath. “My husband, Brett, he’s been gone for a year now. I can’t seem to make myself let go….”
That was all I could take before my brain swallowed my attention. Becky’s voice disappeared from my head and a sweet little giggle replaced it.
No, no, no!
I began counting backwards.
10, 9, 8, 7…
Reality snaps back into my sights and I sigh.
Think about something else, damn it!
How is this supposed to make me feel any better? I’ve been attending this group for almost twelve years now, yet each time I attend I feel like I’m reliving the same day over and over. Sure the group setting migrates from building to building but it’s always the same. Everyone talks about why they are here. Well everyone except for me. I’ve tried to talk but I can never get out more than my name really. My emotions start twisting, filling me with grief then anger. The past comes back and bites down hard and then my heart siphons my voice from my mouth—leaving me unable to form even one syllable—not one word. All that comes out are my tears, the gut wrenching, sobbing, I’ll never be whole again tears.
Damn this place, this meeting –
“Damn you Tim!”
The room fell silent instantly.
Without looking up I knew all eyes were on me. In one instant I had changed the course of this meeting.
My hands now trembling in my lap, balled into fists. The tips of my nails digging into my palms. I take a deep breath attempting to clear my thoughts and stamp down the feelings that are running rampant through me.
“C.C.? Are you alright?” The blonde says to my right. She is nice enough I guess. She’s new here. The tide of people changes here frequently. Today is her second meeting. Seems blondie lost her mom a few weeks ago. It seems like nothing compared to what some of the other people here are dealing with, but I respect her for what she feels. It is her life and her feelings.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.”
“You certainly don’t sound fine.” Gwen addresses me this time. Worry in her voice. Gwen knows me. She and I have been here from the beginning. Well, my beginning. Part of joining the group is telling the coordinator why you are here. That first day was the hardest day of my life since it happened. Since the day I lost everything.
I could feel the wetness on my cheeks now, the pent up tears that were now rolling down my cheeks. The first sign of a breakdown.
Shit! Shit! Shit! This isn’t supposed to happen!
My hands flew to my face and I began chastising myself immediately as I was wiping my face dry. The next step in this was me breaking down and sobbing, and I wasn’t about to let that happen. Not today!
“I said, I’m fine Gwen. Please don’t make more out of this than there is.”
“More?” Gwen took her glasses off and set them on top of her planner she had on the floor next to her cold metal folding chair. “Why don’t you tell us what is going through your head right now, Caitlyn.”
Shit!
She was serious. Our eyes made contact as I brought my head up level with everyone else. I’m not ready for this.
“I—I can’t.” My voice sounded like it belonged to some small fragile girl, not me. I wasn’t fragile, was I?
“Please, just tell us who Tim is at least?” Gwen’s voice was so calm and soothing. I know she wants to help, but I don’t want help.
If I don’t want help then why am I here?
Minutes passed in silence, I didn’t say another word, time had stopped for me.
Just as Becky was about to start talking again, “Tim is—was my husband.”
There I said it.
A moment later I heard my voice go on, “Tim and my daughter, Abbey, both died in a boating accident in 2005.” The tears were flowing but there was no evidence that I was stopping. My voice didn’t even crack. “Tim had a fishing charter and Abbey loved to go with him,” I took a pause to suck in my trembling breathes. “They went out past the reef to get the big ones,” My mind went back to the day it happened.
“We were all standing on the dock next to the boat. The guests were all set to go, the tackle was loaded, life vests on—all set.” A smile came to my face as I pictured little Abbey standing there next to her daddy, her mussed up, windblown dirty blonde hair wiping around her sweet little pudgy face. “Tim was telling me his plans for the day, how they were going out 3 miles past the reef to catch the larger fish. Abbey was behind him, stretching her arms out to accommodate a big fish. She so loved to fish. Really she loved anything and everything about the water.” I could feel the smile growing on my face, but the tears were still falling. Now uncontrollably. “I can still feel her arms around me in a tight hug, our normal routine before her running to get on board for the day on the Ocean.” My arms went around my torso as I remember how she felt in my arms. “Tim took off his hat, wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in for his don’t forget me kiss.”
How could I ever forget him?
“There was a tropical storm brewing, tropical storm Arlene, you all remember that one?” I didn’t look up for any confirmation, it was really a rhetorical question. “The storm was still a few days out so there was nothing to worry about. Besides we never worried about any storms or hurricanes on the island. The reef protected us from those. Or it was supposed to anyway.” My anger began to flare a bit as I thought about the storm. As if Arlene was actually a person I could hit, scream at or even murder—yes murder.
I bent over and hugged my knees, rocking a bit to temper my rage. It seems to work for me, but not always.
What I would give for just one more day…
“That damn storm took my life!” The shrill scream that came from my lungs filled the room and bounced off the walls landing right back at my chest. The heaviness of it all took me, snatching my air from my lungs and crushing my heart like a boulder was just dropped on me.
That’s it, no more! Not one more word is coming out of my mouth.
I stood up, slinging my purse over my shoulder. My now swollen blue eyes did a once over of the room and the willing participants in it and I turned on my heels, all five foot seven of me strode for the exit—my red hair blazing behind me.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************
No part of this book may be reproduced at any time, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author, Sybil Shae.
The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author. This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental.
© Sybil Shae Romance 2017
Discover more from Sybil Shae on Amazon!
https://www.amazon.com/Sybil-Shae/e/B01MUMSRQX/
Return Home
Aren’t they always cold?
The stone and bricks trap the coldness of the season and then it seeps into your bones, stealing away your warmth. Just because the word springs was part of this towns name, didn’t mean it was warm here. Saratoga Springs is anything but warm right now.
I shudder and rub my hands together, cupping them in front of my face and blowing into them with an attempt to warm them a little. It's no use. As soon as I stop blowing my warm breath on them, they seem to get even colder. I chance a peek at my fingers. They seem slow and fat, white at the finger tips and kind of purple around the knuckles. I’m sure my smoking doesn’t help for circulation.
Agh, I wish I could smoke in here! I wish I had worn my gloves! A warm cup of Joe would be perfect right now!
My mind focuses on getting a cup of coffee until I remember the last cup of coffee I had at group. It tasted like dirt—burnt dirt with chalk. Powdered creamer and church basement coffee are not for me, so I turn my thoughts elsewhere.
I chuckle to myself as I think about the first time I tasted the coffee here. I took one sip and then spit it out all over the wall in front of me. The brown spray spewed from my mouth and left a spotted and dripping mess on the already dull tan walls.
I heard the two women closest to me grunt in objection to something and begin whispering.
Shit! Did I laugh out loud? Maybe it isn’t me they are whispering about.
As I look up from my purple tinted digits, I notice a few of the other group members are staring at me. Even though I want to scream “WHAT!” at the top of my lungs at them, I don’t. I hold my tongue and give them my best, I’m sorry look and rake my hands down my face.
“Not nice, C.C.” Gwen, the group coordinator says as she shifts her glasses to give me her I don’t approve look.
“Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts,” I sheepishly look over to the girl speaking now, the one that’s crying – wiping her face with the back of her hands.
What’s her name? I start running through the members names here in the room. It was like looking through my own personal contact list I had tucked away in the corners of my mind. Why I did that, I have no idea. But it’s what I did when I met people. I filed them away up there in my floating rolodex.
“Becky, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you. Please continue and just forget that happened.” A slight frown forming on my lips. I was going for the most sincere face, but I don’t think I hit the mark I was trying for.
“Screw you, C.C.! I’d like to see how you feel when I do the same thing to you! Why don’t you come on up here so we can all give you a taste of your own medicine?”
No way! No freaking way am I getting up there!
“No, thanks, I’ll pass today!”
“Okay, let’s all take a moment. Take a deep breath and remember why we are here.” Gwen looks over at me and shakes her head.
I mouth I’m sorry again and stand to go.
“C.C. please sit down. You don’t have to leave. Just please show some respect for others.”
I look at Gwen, then at each and every other person in there. Their faces all telling me to go.
“Okay then!” I sit back down and cross my legs placing my hands neatly in my lap, directing my attention back to Becky.
“You were saying, Becky?”
“I was saying,” she gulped some air and held her breath. “My husband, Brett, he’s been gone for a year now. I can’t seem to make myself let go….”
That was all I could take before my brain swallowed my attention. Becky’s voice disappeared from my head and a sweet little giggle replaced it.
No, no, no!
I began counting backwards.
10, 9, 8, 7…
Reality snaps back into my sights and I sigh.
Think about something else, damn it!
How is this supposed to make me feel any better? I’ve been attending this group for almost twelve years now, yet each time I attend I feel like I’m reliving the same day over and over. Sure the group setting migrates from building to building but it’s always the same. Everyone talks about why they are here. Well everyone except for me. I’ve tried to talk but I can never get out more than my name really. My emotions start twisting, filling me with grief then anger. The past comes back and bites down hard and then my heart siphons my voice from my mouth—leaving me unable to form even one syllable—not one word. All that comes out are my tears, the gut wrenching, sobbing, I’ll never be whole again tears.
Damn this place, this meeting –
“Damn you Tim!”
The room fell silent instantly.
Without looking up I knew all eyes were on me. In one instant I had changed the course of this meeting.
My hands now trembling in my lap, balled into fists. The tips of my nails digging into my palms. I take a deep breath attempting to clear my thoughts and stamp down the feelings that are running rampant through me.
“C.C.? Are you alright?” The blonde says to my right. She is nice enough I guess. She’s new here. The tide of people changes here frequently. Today is her second meeting. Seems blondie lost her mom a few weeks ago. It seems like nothing compared to what some of the other people here are dealing with, but I respect her for what she feels. It is her life and her feelings.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.”
“You certainly don’t sound fine.” Gwen addresses me this time. Worry in her voice. Gwen knows me. She and I have been here from the beginning. Well, my beginning. Part of joining the group is telling the coordinator why you are here. That first day was the hardest day of my life since it happened. Since the day I lost everything.
I could feel the wetness on my cheeks now, the pent up tears that were now rolling down my cheeks. The first sign of a breakdown.
Shit! Shit! Shit! This isn’t supposed to happen!
My hands flew to my face and I began chastising myself immediately as I was wiping my face dry. The next step in this was me breaking down and sobbing, and I wasn’t about to let that happen. Not today!
“I said, I’m fine Gwen. Please don’t make more out of this than there is.”
“More?” Gwen took her glasses off and set them on top of her planner she had on the floor next to her cold metal folding chair. “Why don’t you tell us what is going through your head right now, Caitlyn.”
Shit!
She was serious. Our eyes made contact as I brought my head up level with everyone else. I’m not ready for this.
“I—I can’t.” My voice sounded like it belonged to some small fragile girl, not me. I wasn’t fragile, was I?
“Please, just tell us who Tim is at least?” Gwen’s voice was so calm and soothing. I know she wants to help, but I don’t want help.
If I don’t want help then why am I here?
Minutes passed in silence, I didn’t say another word, time had stopped for me.
Just as Becky was about to start talking again, “Tim is—was my husband.”
There I said it.
A moment later I heard my voice go on, “Tim and my daughter, Abbey, both died in a boating accident in 2005.” The tears were flowing but there was no evidence that I was stopping. My voice didn’t even crack. “Tim had a fishing charter and Abbey loved to go with him,” I took a pause to suck in my trembling breathes. “They went out past the reef to get the big ones,” My mind went back to the day it happened.
“We were all standing on the dock next to the boat. The guests were all set to go, the tackle was loaded, life vests on—all set.” A smile came to my face as I pictured little Abbey standing there next to her daddy, her mussed up, windblown dirty blonde hair wiping around her sweet little pudgy face. “Tim was telling me his plans for the day, how they were going out 3 miles past the reef to catch the larger fish. Abbey was behind him, stretching her arms out to accommodate a big fish. She so loved to fish. Really she loved anything and everything about the water.” I could feel the smile growing on my face, but the tears were still falling. Now uncontrollably. “I can still feel her arms around me in a tight hug, our normal routine before her running to get on board for the day on the Ocean.” My arms went around my torso as I remember how she felt in my arms. “Tim took off his hat, wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in for his don’t forget me kiss.”
How could I ever forget him?
“There was a tropical storm brewing, tropical storm Arlene, you all remember that one?” I didn’t look up for any confirmation, it was really a rhetorical question. “The storm was still a few days out so there was nothing to worry about. Besides we never worried about any storms or hurricanes on the island. The reef protected us from those. Or it was supposed to anyway.” My anger began to flare a bit as I thought about the storm. As if Arlene was actually a person I could hit, scream at or even murder—yes murder.
I bent over and hugged my knees, rocking a bit to temper my rage. It seems to work for me, but not always.
What I would give for just one more day…
“That damn storm took my life!” The shrill scream that came from my lungs filled the room and bounced off the walls landing right back at my chest. The heaviness of it all took me, snatching my air from my lungs and crushing my heart like a boulder was just dropped on me.
That’s it, no more! Not one more word is coming out of my mouth.
I stood up, slinging my purse over my shoulder. My now swollen blue eyes did a once over of the room and the willing participants in it and I turned on my heels, all five foot seven of me strode for the exit—my red hair blazing behind me.
************************************************************************************************************************************************************
No part of this book may be reproduced at any time, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author, Sybil Shae.
The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author. This is a work of fiction, any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental.
© Sybil Shae Romance 2017
Discover more from Sybil Shae on Amazon!
https://www.amazon.com/Sybil-Shae/e/B01MUMSRQX/
Return Home